New On The Blog

A toast may be offered in any setting and made to an individual or a group. Increase your confidence at your next social gathering by learning the ins and outs of this ancient tradition. Toasting to someone’s health or honor goes back to biblical times and can be found in most cultures including the Egyptians, Greeks, and Persians.

We could spend hours diving into every aspect of table do’s and don’ts, but I want to give you my top 13 tips that will help you navigate any social or business gathering with confidence.

When God knitted together our precious children before they were even born, I am convinced he also wove in their personalities, gifts, and a love language! The concept of “love languages” is that each of us expresses and receives love in a unique way. The five love languages identified by Gary Chapman in his bestselling book are: Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Gifts.

When God knitted together our precious children before they were even born, I am convinced he also wove in their personalities, gifts, and a love language! The concept of “love languages” is that each of us expresses and receives love in a unique way. The five love languages identified by Gary Chapman in his bestselling book are: Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Gifts.

Vacations are back on the calendar, and many people are crossing the country through our friendly skies. I thought a refresher on airport and plane travel might do us all a little good.

I heard the most interesting ad the other day. There is a company that offers private-type flights for the commercial world. They describe themselves as a “hop on jet service.” On their website it states, “The convenience of private air but at commercial prices.” I looked them up, and there was one flight from Dallas to Houston for only $99!

“Conflict is part of every marriage. Thirty-seven percent of newlyweds admit to being more critical of their mates after marriage. And 30 percent report an increase in arguments. Whether you argue does not determine the health of your marriage. Far more important than how often you argue is how you argue.

With Father’s Day coming soon, you and your family will be celebrating one of the most important men in your life- Dad. As a child, he was your hero, your protector, and your solid rock. Now that you are older, you admire him for all that he has done for you and you still look to him for advice and wisdom. Picking out the perfect gift for Dad is not easy!

School is almost out for summer! Many of us want to gift our child’s teacher something special at the end of the year for all the love, kindness, and patience they have poured out on our little ones. Being a teacher is not easy, and they are so deserving of our gratitude especially after this wild 20/21 school year! Some common go-to gifts you might have thought of are bath and body products, Starbucks gift cards and mugs, but below are some additional gift ideas your child’s teacher will be touched to receive:

School is almost out for summer! Many of us want to gift our child’s teacher something special at the end of the year for all the love, kindness, and patience they have poured out on our little ones. Being a teacher is not easy, and they are so deserving of our gratitude especially after this wild 20/21 school year! Some common go-to gifts you might have thought of are bath and body products, Starbucks gift cards and mugs, but below are some additional gift ideas your child’s teacher will be touched to receive:

Graduation is a pivotal point in a young person’s life. It is the beginning of a season of responsibility, coming of age, and independence. As these twenty-somethings are about to discover the meaning of “adulting,” here are some gift ideas that will no doubt be a blessing in your college grad’s new life.

If some of you are thinking, “I believe I have read this letter before,” you would be correct. Our son and daughter (in law) had a beautiful wedding ceremony planned for April of 2020. As with thousands around the country, they had to postpone the big event, but chose to hold a private covenant ceremony in our backyard. Well, we are finally celebrating their wedding vows, and it was on my heart to re-post the letter I wrote to my son last year. Some things have changed (he is now 25, not 24 as the letter states), but I hope you enjoy!

 I heard the most interesting ad the other day. There is a company that offers private-type flights for the commercial world. They describe themselves as a “hop on jet service.” On their website it states, “The convenience of private air but at commercial prices.” I looked them up, and there was one flight from Dallas to Houston for only $99! 

“We read a lot of articles and books about how to get through the engagement process, but no one ever talked to us about what it would be like the first year of our marriage. I wish we had known what to expect,” said one of the couples my husband and I mentor. This is a common comment, and if you find yourself having similar feelings, do not fret! You are not alone. The first year of marriage is fabulous, but it can also be difficult. Two people learning to become one does not happen overnight.

We all like to think we have good manners in marriage, but with the people that are closest to us, we can sometimes find ourselves slipping a bit. As stated by Cindy Grosso of the Charleston School of Protocol, manners are not about a bunch of rules. Manners are the outward manifestation of the condition of our heart. If we have a heart that loves, honors, respects, and cherishes our spouse, then these traits will show in how we behave.

Society is opening and people are resuming long overdue vacations. This is great news! I recently posted some tips on making your travels successful, but let’s focus on dos and don’ts of traveling with friends.

 

1. Boundaries: When traveling with others, set guidelines, boundaries, and expectations before leaving town. If you know you and your husband want one night to yourselves, express this up front. If a quiet breakfast in bed is necessary to start your day, see if this fits with the group’s schedule. 

  • Lisa Lou

Leave and Cleave Part 2

Updated: Jun 3, 2020



“And the man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.’ For this cause, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2: 23-24


In Leave and Cleave Part 1 we learned what it means to leave your parents when you marry. Many new couples will say, “Ok, I’ve done that. Now what?” Let’s talk about the “now what,” and learn what it means to truly cleave to your spouse.


“My bone cleaveth to my skin and to my flesh, and I have escaped with the skin of my teeth.” Job 19:20. Here the word cleave means to stick to or to adhere. “But cleave unto the Lord your God, as ye have done unto this day.” Joshua 23:8. In this verse, the word cleave is used to mean to unite closely.


When we cleave in marriage, we are to do three things: join; cling; remain loyal to.


Join: “Or do you not know that the one who joins himself (to another) is one in body with her? For He says, ‘The two shall become one flesh.’” 1 Corinthians 6:16. Here, we see the physical joining of husband and wife.


Cling: The next meaning of cleave is to stick to. We are to stick to our spouse so tightly that we cannot be separated. For all the dog lovers among us, we can appreciate the true meaning of stick to. No matter how hard I try, I never get my black Labrador’s fur off me. He just sticks to me wherever I go. This is the visual we should have with our spouse. I should never be truly separated from my spouse (mentally and emotionally). Your partner should always be stuck to you.


“The Lord shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest to possess it.” Deuteronomy 28:21. In the English Standard Version this verse says, “The Lord will make the pestilence stick to you until he has consumed you off the land that you are entering to take possession of it.” We are to stick to our spouse.


Remain Loyal To: Lastly, to cleave means we are to remain loyal to our covenant partner. “So all the men of Israel went up from following David, and followed Sheba the son of Bichri; but the men of Judah clave unto their king, from the Jordan even to Jerusalem.” 2 Samuel 20:2. In our modern day language we would say, “The men of Judah…remained loyal to their king.” When we enter a covenant with our spouse, our loyalty is to be for them. As professional counselor Melinda Havard stated, “Cleaving to your mate means joining together so tightly that nothing can come between you.”


I love the example I heard one time about cleaving that has visually been etched in my mind. Imagine a husband and wife facing each other with outstretched arms. There is probably about 3 feet of space between them, but they are holding hands. It would not be hard for other people to stand between the couple, or behind the couple, and break them apart. Why? The only strength they have that is keeping them together is the strength in their hands. Now, imagine the couple embracing in a tight bear hug. First, can outside forces come between them? No, because the couple is clinging to each other so tightly, no outside force can wedge its way in. The force could try to pull them apart from behind, but this will be virtually impossible, because the couple is much stronger when they are stuck to each other as opposed to loosely holding hands. In our marriages, we should be so tightly joined, remaining loyal to each other in everything we do, that no outside force can come between us or pull us apart. Take inventory of your marriage. What can you do to ensure you are clinging to your mate? What outside forces might threaten your loyalty to your spouse?


Going back to our original verse, before we can cleave, we must leave. If we do not leave, there will be an outside force that could potentially cause harm to our marriage, even when it is not intentional. When we leave and cleave, and keep boundaries in place, a healthy relationship with our spouse will flourish. I strongly recommend a book titled Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud. He is one of the national leading psychologists in the field of setting boundaries and maintaining healthy relationships. His book will help you establish healthy boundaries both individually, and as a couple.


Just for a moment, I want to take off my marriage mentor hat and put on my mother hat. As a newly married couple, you may be embracing God’s plan to leave and cleave, but you might find it is hard for your family to do the same. If you have familial relationships that tell you to come to them first before going to your spouse, or that continue to support you with monthly financial aid (when you are capable of supporting yourself), then it is time to set up some healthy boundaries. Do this with great love and compassion, though. As hard as it might be for you to leave, it is also hard for your family. For the past 20 plus years, for parents particularly, we have been the primary source of everything our children needed. We have grown very accustomed to being the person our children come to in all aspects of their lives. Even when the only reason they come to us is for money to go to the movies with their high school buddies, it makes us feel needed.


When my son became engaged, it was such an exciting time. He is marrying his high school sweetheart, and I think she may be the BEST daughter-in-law EVER! I also felt a sense of loss, though, because I knew we would be going through the “leaving” process soon. In addition to these feelings, urgency also coursed through my veins. Urgency for what though? I remember feeling a sense of panic that I had not finished my job, and I was running out of time to complete what I had started. I just kept thinking, “I haven’t taught him everything he needs to know.” I felt like screaming, “Wait! I’m not ready! I still have things to teach you.” But God very clearly reminded me that my son is first and foremost His son, and although our son would soon be leaving and cleaving, HE was not leaving our son. I could feel God calm my heart and whisper in my ear, “Don’t worry, sweet girl. I’ve got this! Everything is right on schedule. Your baby is becoming the man I created him to be.”


I know my son will be fine, and I know that he will continue to learn from me while I have breath to breathe. My own mother is alive and well, and she is still teaching me things! I also find great comfort in knowing my son will soon be in a covenant relationship with a wife who loves, respects and cherishes him, who does not tear him down but lifts him high, who will be by his side, and who is, possibly (wait, did I already mention this) the most perfect daughter-in-law I could ask for!


Even though God calmed my heart that day, I must admit I began making a list of all the things I thought my son needed to remember or that, maybe, I had not taught him. Realizing that if I gave him this list, he’d probably say, “Really, Mom?,” I decided it would be therapeutic for me to just write about all the things that pop into my mind, and thus was born the “Tidbits” section of my website. Although the impetus of that area was my son, this part of Lisa Lou has taken on a life of its own. I love creating Tidbits for all the women (and men) out there, and it has quickly become my favorite way to craft content. It’s also great for social media! (Ok, the cat’s out of the bag as to why I have a Tidbits section, so I may have lost all hope of my son ever reading this part of my blog again. If he just remembers to write his thank you notes, I’ll be good!)


As a newly married couple, even though there will be new boundaries established around your marriage, it is important to cultivate a healthy relationship with your parents, in-laws and extended family. You want to have family ties that thrive on open communication and respect for each other. This will lead to an even deeper bond than you currently have and will allow you to continue to learn from each other as you grow older together. Plus, never forget, you want a strong connection with your parents, because…they make great babysitters!


When you look within your sphere of influence to healthymarriages that have been around for a while, and you find yourself saying, “I want what they have,” with deep examination you will most likely learn this couple took to heart what it meant to leave and cleave. If you can master this in your marriage, then most everything else will fall into place, and the two of you will have a marriage that does not just survive but thrives!


Together with you,

Lisa Lou


*This blog was summarized, with a few additions/subtractions, from a lesson taught by Melinda Havard, Director of Counseling at SBC in Houston. Melinda has an MS in Counseling Psychology from the University of Southern Mississippi and is a Texas Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor. Much of her content came from Bruce Wilkinson of Walk Thru the Bible Ministry.