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Mother’s Day is quickly approaching! As a busy mom, Mother’s Day can sneak up on you with the chaos of end of the year school activities, home projects, and travel plans. Moms have a heart of gold and do not have expectations of presents, but we still love the gesture of gifting to make the day special and show our appreciation for everything she does for the family.

“We read a lot of articles and books about how to get through the engagement process, but no one ever talked to us about what it would be like the first year of our marriage. I wish we had known what to expect,” said one of the couples my husband and I mentor. This is a common comment, and if you find yourself having similar feelings, do not fret! You are not alone. The first year of marriage is fabulous, but it can also be difficult. Two people learning to become one does not happen overnight.

We all like to think we have good manners in marriage, but with the people that are closest to us, we can sometimes find ourselves slipping a bit. As stated by Cindy Grosso of the Charleston School of Protocol, manners are not about a bunch of rules. Manners are the outward manifestation of the condition of our heart. If we have a heart that loves, honors, respects, and cherishes our spouse, then these traits will show in how we behave.

Society is opening and people are resuming long overdue vacations. This is great news! I recently posted some tips on making your travels successful, but let’s focus on dos and don’ts of traveling with friends.

 

1. Boundaries: When traveling with others, set guidelines, boundaries, and expectations before leaving town. If you know you and your husband want one night to yourselves, express this up front. If a quiet breakfast in bed is necessary to start your day, see if this fits with the group’s schedule. 

The world is opening, and it is time to celebrate! One of the first things people are doing as they exercise their recaptured freedom is heading out of town to new destinations. I thought a few refresher tips on travel might be good for all of us.

Walking into the room, my husband pauses in front of the TV. Turning to me with a spoiler alert about my favorite Hallmark movie he says, “Hey Lisa…they get married.” And you know what? He’s right! The girl found her prince charming, and the couple has a happy ending, every time.

How many mornings have we left home in a state of utter chaos? Breakfast was late, children were crying, and we hurriedly throw on clothes from the night before only to realize how wrinkled we look. This mad dash makes for an unpleasant parting from our family and it is usually caused by a disorganized approach to our routine. So much of the bedlam we experience at the beginning of the day can be avoided if we are willing to implement a few tasks the night before.

The mamor (mother-in-law) and damor (daughter-in-law) relationship is meant to be beautiful and strong. In parts 1 and 2 of our series we learned why women in these roles might have certain feelings in their new family dynamics. Once we learned the “why” we then explored practical steps we can take to strengthen these special bonds. As we bring our series to a close, I want to impart some words of wisdom we all need to hear, and be reminded of, to ensure we create a healthy, life-long bond between the mamor/damor.

In part one of our series on the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship we learned why the women who find themselves in these roles often experience emotions ranging from pure joy to hurt and sadness. Once we discovered the answers, our understanding of this special relationship came into focus. We had an “aha” moment which makes our path forward easier to navigate.

Do you remember the movie Monster-in-Law? It starred Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda in a romantic comedy centered around the tumultuous relationship between a bride and her future mother-in-law. If you have not seen it, you should. It will keep you laughing but, sadly, may hit closer to home than you would like to admit.

As Texas plunged into single digits with multiple days of a windchill below freezing, millions found themselves stranded with no power or water. Living along the Gulf Coast we have weathered hurricanes and endured power outages for much longer periods, but somehow this seemed different. Maybe for those of us close to the shoreline it was the unusual sight of snow we experienced as opposed to the natural disasters we usually face that arrive with rain, wind, and sweltering heat.

Our son and daughter (in law) were finally able to take a long-overdue honeymoon to St. Lucia in December. Cecelia interned one summer for a travel agent so naturally called the company to book their trip. What an incredible experience they had, and I was reminded WHY using a travel agent is worth the expense. Fees range depending on the service, but most charge between $300-350 to plan a vacation somewhere in the Caribbean Islands. 

Q: I will be a new mom soon, and I have been preparing for life “after” a newborn. There is a lot of information on raising babies, and how dads can support mom, but I cannot find much on how moms can support dads. A lot of my mental preparation has been around my marriage. Specific questions: How do I preserve my marriage? How do we embrace the changes? How do I maintain my husband as a priority when we have a tiny human demanding everything? How can I help my husband bond with our new child?

Want to set your children up for success? Then look no further than the habits of successful people you know, whether that be in the corporate world, media, or within your own circle of friends. Experts agree that there are certain common traits all successful people possess. This is great news because it means we can emulate those leaders that have come before us. 

Many of us grew up learning multitasking was a hallmark of a productive person. While sounding good in theory, this practice has proven to be incorrect. Studies now reveal that multitasking is nothing more than switching back and forth between tasks and it lowers our productivity. Below are 5 points that deal with the facts behind project hopping and the lack of performance that occurs when we allow seemingly innocuous interruptions to occur in daily life.

  • Lisa Lou

Making Overnight Guests Feel Welcome



It is summer in Houston, and last night our bedroom A/C went kaput! My first reaction was to grumble, but then I reminded myself to “choose happiness!” I was thankful we had a guestroom to sleep in that had cool air and a fan. As we crawled into an unfamiliar bed, I was quickly reminded of the times I preached to others: “Every good hostess should sleep in her own guestroom for one full night. You will immediately see what is missing!” As my husband and I kept rolling to the middle of the mattress and shivered under a comforter that was too thin, I made a new list for myself: new mattress that does not sink; more blankets for the bed.

With the arrival of summer and overnight guests making weekend trips, I thought we could all use a refresher on the best way to make friends and family feel welcome the moment they show up at your front door.

In General:

The most important action is clear the house of clutter. This does not mean the entire home needs organizing, but specifically focus on areas where you know your guests will see.

Next, “live” in the area for a little while. This is most important where your guests will be sleeping. As mentioned above, before overnight visitors arrive, I encourage you to sleep in the room. Almost instantaneously, you will become aware of issues. Not just what is missing, but maybe repairs that need to be made or nighttime noises that need to be fixed (a rickety fan or knocking heater). Ask yourself if you have everything you need when getting ready in the guest bathroom. By doing a simple walk through, most things that are missing will jump out.

Below are the three areas I focus on when I have house guests. You may need to include other areas, but I hope this will be a starting point to help you make your home bed and breakfast worthy!


GUEST BEDROOM:

Wash Sheets

Extra blanket on the bed: Body temperatures vary greatly. What is cold to one is hot to another.

Catch-all tray: Some place to put jewelry, keys, and money.

Bowl of fruit and snacks: It can be hard being a guest in someone else’s home. It is a nice gesture to provide for their gastric needs in the privacy of their bedroom. I stick with protein items like nuts and satiating fruit in the way of bananas and apples.

Breath mints: Always a hit. The bowl is usually empty when the guests depart.

Water bottles: These do not need to be iced. Just put 2-4 on a table next to the snacks.

Docking station by the bed

Fresh flowers: Place these by the snacks, water bottles, and catch-all tray. It makes a very welcoming display.

Luggage rack: You can order these online or find very inexpensive ones at resale shops. This shows guests you thought about every need.

Magazines or a visitor’s guide: I created a tour guidebook that I place on the bed. Even if there is no time for sight-seeing, it is good reading material before falling asleep and helps educate guests on all your town has to offer.

TV remote with instructions/Wi-fi passcode: Having these typed and laminated next to the TV is a nice touch. It will be one of the first things guests ask you for, so cut out this step and provide it ahead of time.


House shoes and robe: We have a lot of overnight guests, and these items are often left at home. I keep two washable guest robes hanging in the closet along with disposable house shoes that I buy in bulk.

Coffee station in room: If you have the space, guests love this! For the coffee lovers among us, we would prefer to have a sip of that first cup before our feet hit the floor. Guests love when they can enjoy this ritual without having to dress and join the others in the kitchen.

Spray with fabric freshener: Once I set up the guestroom, I spray all upholstery and the bed. I usually go with a non-scent version.

Overhead lights off and lamps turned on: I do not like overhead lights. Unless I can dim them. They are usually too harsh and can raise the temperature of the room. The ambiance will be more welcoming if they remain off and bedside lamps are turned on when guests arrive.

Candle lit: The sight of fire is welcoming. Another reason I use a non-scented fabric freshener is so the candle can do its work. Stick with something mild. Not everyone likes strong scents.

Music playing: Soft music playing in the background is the added cherry on top. With this final act you have now touched all 5 senses in the room.


BATHROOM READY:

Bathroom travel size toiletries: Place a tray in the guest bathroom with shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, mouthwash, soap, and a disposable razor.

Fresh towels placed on bed or bathroom counter: For each guest I provide two large towels, a hand towel, and a washcloth. If you normally store these in the cabinets, pull them out. Guests are often hesitant to rummage through private areas.

Hair dryer/curling iron: Another big bonus! Hotels carry these in most rooms, so make your guests feel they are in a beautiful boutique with all the trimmings. If you do not provide it, they will be asking to borrow yours!

Extra toilet paper: Do I need to explain? Another nice touch: fold the tips into an arrow shape on the roll so guests know they are the first to use the loo upon arrival.

KITCHEN READY:

Set up coffee bar: Although you may or may not set one up in the guest room, it is a must to have one in the kitchen. We all have preferences when it comes to preparing our coffee, so provide the basic ingredients and let guests make their own: cream, sweetener, cinnamon, spoons, cups, saucers, coffee ready and piping hot.

Set up breakfast bar: Unless you are preparing a big breakfast, make it easy for your guests to grab items for themselves: individual cereal packages; carafe of milk, orange juice and water; coffee bar; breakfast bars; yogurt cups; bagels; cream cheese; toaster; plates; utensils that are needed.


ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES WITH GUESTS:

Whenever I encounter hostesses that have not had a good experience with guests, it often revolves around a lack of boundaries. People tend to shy away from telling friends what they can and cannot do in their home, but not doing so is a recipe for disaster. The motto you hear me repeatedly say, “To be unclear is to be unkind,” is extra important when sharing space with others. Your guests want to be informed, too, because most are trying to be on their best behavior. How can they live up to your expectations if they do not know what you want? Here are a few tips for setting boundaries:

Breakfast: If guests are on their own for breakfast, show them where everything will be stationed and tell them to help themselves when they wake up.

Pets: If you have animals and do not feed them human food, let your guests know. Otherwise Fido may be enjoying scraps from the table.

Set limit on length of visit: Before guests arrive, set a time limit on how long they may visit.

What they can expect from you: Let them know before they arrive if you can entertain them, or not. It might be a work week for you, and you are unable to hit the town and stay up until 3a.m. Manage their expectations.

Should they provide their own food? If you do not want to flip the bill, then discuss how meals are divided before they arrive. Maybe grocery shop together and split the bill. In whatever way you decide to handle this, do it before they arrive.

No smoking: Self-explanatory if you have a no smoking rule.

Bedtime: As the host, if you cannot stay up all hours of the night, explain to your house guests that you usually turn in around 10p.m. (or whatever time it is). If guests stay during the week, setting this boundary is particularly important because you might have work the next day.

Sleeping arrangements: Explain to guests where they will stay before they arrive. If you only have a couch to offer, make sure they know. They might choose to stay in a hotel.

Do not touch the A/C: You might not care if guests adjust the air, but you might. Maybe you are on a budget with your electric bill and only run the unit certain hours of the day. Whatever the reason if you have house rules regarding the A/C let the guests know.

What food are they allowed to eat: Unless you want guests eating you out of house and home, designate an area in your kitchen with snacks where they can feel free to partake. I also set aside one shelf in my refrigerator. I tell them anything on that shelf they are welcome to have.

Recycle bin: If you have one, show your guests so they can help you recycle.

Upon departing: Ask your guests to strip the beds and leave the sheets and towels in the washroom.

Miscellaneous requests: Every family has their own guidelines. Your guests want to know. When we are in the mountains of North Carolina, one of our guest guidelines is: No Food Left Outside—Bears!

Most guests want to respect your boundaries, but if they do not know what those are, how will they know if they have been crossed? This leaves everyone unhappy. Manage expectations upfront, and your friends will leave with great memories, and hopefully an invitation to return.

Together with you,

Lisa Lou