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Want to set your children up for success? Then look no further than the habits of successful people you know, whether that be in the corporate world, media, or within your own circle of friends. Experts agree that there are certain common traits all successful people possess. This is great news because it means we can emulate those leaders that have come before us. 

How can you tell if someone will be successful? When I was in high school, they still had a category for a graduating senior titled: Voted Most Likely to Succeed. How, at 18-years-old, could classmates look at someone and say, “Yeah, I think they will be the most successful person in our graduating class.”

Many of us grew up learning multitasking was a hallmark of a productive person. While sounding good in theory, this practice has proven to be incorrect. Studies now reveal that multitasking is nothing more than switching back and forth between tasks and it lowers our productivity. Below are 5 points that deal with the facts behind project hopping and the lack of performance that occurs when we allow seemingly innocuous interruptions to occur in daily life.

The way my husband structures his day is different from how I organize mine, but there is one thing we both do. We start with a morning routine. I make coffee, read the news while eating my breakfast, and then dive into an hour of bible study. Once I finish, I pull out my journal and plan my day. About 2 years ago I discovered an organizational method that resonated with me.

Remember as children, during holidays, we would spend what seemed like hours creating homemade craft projects for our parents? It might be a paper Christmas snowflake sprinkled with glitter or a cutout heart for Valentine’s Day. We would address it: To: Mom or To: Dad. We would sign our name, and this become the gift we gave our parents. The act of giving is how we should view all letters, especially a thank you note. We may not be cutting out cute hearts, but when we take time to put pen to paper and share a little of ourselves with someone else, we are giving a part of our heart to another.  

People give to make you feel loved and remembered. Sometimes gifts are given out of obligation, but mostly they are presented to honor a special relationship or occasion. No matter the reason, we need to know how to show our appreciation. Here are my 7 tips to become a gracious gift receiver.  

Table manners seem to be the area in which I receive most of my questions, but it is introductions that have people the most baffled. After I explain the correct way to conduct an introduction, I often get that starry-eyed stare that tells me, “I really don’t understand what you just said.” To help all of us, I have broken down the process into a simple format. Before I proceed, let me say this. Do not let a lack of confidence in handling an introduction keep you from DOING an introduction.

I recently bumped into a friend at the store, and as we began talking, she expressed how she struggles with the holidays. When January rolls around, she feels like she somehow “missed out.” I understand this feeling because I, too, have often felt this way. Life was so busy with the preparation of celebration, that I missed the joy that awaited each of us this time of year.

Have you ever seen someone walk into a party that looked scared to death, unsure of themselves, and then watched them slink off to an obscure corner? Their body language screaming, “I wish I was anywhere but here!” Entering a room full of people that you do not know can be intimidating. I get that. Yet, your entrance is important in displaying overall confidence and portraying a strong image.

Giving a party, of any type, requires a great deal of work. If you have been fortunate enough to be included in a festive soiree, it is nice to arrive with a gift for the hostess. The typical present will cost between $15-$30, but there are less expensive things you can find at the local discount store.

When attending a party, there are certain expectations we have of our hostess. We will enjoy and appreciate everything she has done, but we do assume there will be food and drinks. We would also like a clean bathroom and a home that does not smell like the local pet store. What some people forget is there are also expectations of the guest.

Attire: Shabby Chic; Razzle Dazzle; Cowboy Couture


WHAT????

Word to hostesses: when listing the attire on the invitation for your party, make it clear. Do not let your creative thoughts have you writing a description that requires an interpreter.  We do not want to force our guests to solve a riddle to understand what is expected of them. There is a phrase I like to quote, “To be unclear is to be unkind.”

There is something special we feel when we receive an invitation. It is the anticipation of a celebration, the excitement of choosing what to wear, but more importantly, it is the affirmation that tells us, “I was chosen!” We know a hostess has responsibilities to ensure her party is a success, but did you know there are expectations of the guests? And your first job begins when you receive an invitation that says RSVP.

  • Lisa Lou

Teach Social Skills to Your Family: It Matters




“The hardest job kids have today is learning good manners…without seeing any.” Fred Astaire.

Women have great influence in their family, and much of the work falls to us to provide each person with the tools they need to succeed. But how can we pass along knowledge that we do not possess?

A nearly 100-year-old research study conducted by the Carnegie Foundation, Harvard University, and Stanford Research Center has recently resurfaced. It states that 85% of a person’s success in business is attributed to their “soft” skills, and 15% of their success comes from their knowledge base about their field of study. Soft skills relate to manners, etiquette, basic communication skills, and sensory acuity. If 85% of our success in life is based on how we conduct ourselves, I would argue providing these resources for our family rank high in importance.

As I have contemplated what society terms “good manners” I have often asked myself, “Why do good manners really matter?” I was faced with the challenge of answering this question when our son played youth football. My husband was coach and required the players to address the staff with sir. One of the mothers on the team who had just moved from another state said she did not agree with requiring children to address adults with sir and ma’am. In fact, where they were from, students could call their teachers, and others in authority, by their given name. For the first time, I was challenged to answer the “why” when it came to the importance of manners.

To understand the “why” in soft skills, we need to know the difference between manners and etiquette. “Manners and etiquette go hand in hand but are not the same. Manners are an expression of inner character. Etiquette is a set of rules dealing with exterior form. Manners are common sense...but etiquette is the guiding code that enables us to practice manners. Respect, kindness, and consideration form the basis of good manners and good citizenship. Etiquette becomes the language of manners.” -Encyclopedia.com.



In the United States, more than 300 million people might be on our roads in any given day. With so much congestion on our streets, how do we keep from crashing into each other? One reason. We live by a set of rules. If someone does not live by these rules, there might be serious consequences in the form of a car crash. This could lead to financial hardship, medical tragedies, or even death. The rules (laws) are there to guide us so we do not cause undo harm to our fellow travelers. When we respect the rules, we will not violate the rules, which means we increase our chances of living in harmony with each other.

This same philosophy holds true with manners and etiquette. The Laws of Etiquette, written in 1883, defines etiquette as “a code of laws established by society for its protection against rudeness, and other offences, which the civil law cannot reach.” The book continues by saying “…the civil law cannot punish a man for discourteous behavior, but society can cause him to change his manners by refusing to recognize him.”

Notice how the words “law” and “protection” are used to define etiquette in society. The rules (laws) of etiquette are there to protect us, just like the laws (rules) of the road are there to protect us. Laws cannot force us to change our manners, but society can. If a member of our family displays bad manners, they might find themselves relegated to the children’s table at the annual Christmas dinner. If these poor manners go beyond the confines of the family, that person may find they are no longer invited to social gatherings with friends. If these same manners extend into their business world, they may notice they are gradually losing a voice in meetings, not included in happy hour after work or worse, their financial growth and upward job mobility begins to stall due to the way they conduct themselves.

“…manners (are)…the outward manifestation of one’s innate character and attitude toward life.” -Emily Post. Put another way, manners are nothing more than the Golden Rule, and etiquette is the way we practice that rule. Etiquette is the language of manners. A person’s manners are a direct reflection of their heart.



Cynthia Grosso, owner of the Charleston School of Protocol, uses the visual illustration of an iceberg to describe manners. When we see an iceberg from land, we are only viewing the top 15% of the ice cap. The other 85% is hidden under the water and out of sight. The manners we display and how we behave (the top 15% of the iceberg) is a direct reflection of what is hidden inside our heart (the bottom 85%). By simple observation we can develop an accurate assumption of that person’s beliefs and attitudes based on how they behave, act, dress, and speak. What is in someone’s heart will manifest in their behavior and manners.

Manners is nothing more than the Golden Rule. “Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them.” -Matthew 7:12 MSG. Treat others as you want to be treated. And find confidence knowing you might not always remember your grandmother’s etiquette rules, but the condition of your heart, your manners, are the real social skills we need to guide our families down the road of success.

Together with you,

Lisa Lou

P.S. I had one reader post a question to this article asking, “How did you answer the mom in your football story?!?” I really did leave you hanging on that story! So, sorry!

I have a philosophy in life if you bring everything back to its most simple origin, and ask basic questions of the person you are conversing with, you will usually be able to lead people to the answer without feeling you have corrected them in the process. Here is how the dialogue occurred:

Football Mom: “I don’t think we should ask children to use sir and ma’am. In our old school they could call teachers by their first name.”

Lisa Lou: “That’s interesting. Since you brought the subject up, do you mind if I ask you a question? If your child were meeting the President of the United States, how would you have your child address the President?”

Football Mom: “I would have then call him Mr. President or President….”

Lisa Lou: “Would you allow your child to call the President by his first name?”

Football Mom: “Of course not. He’s the President.”

Lisa Lou: “So, by your own admission, you actually DO believe in addressing adults with titles and courtesies, but ONLY if that person is of high enough social status that you feel they are worthy.”

BAM!!!!

It is important to remember the use of ma’am and sir is nothing more than using a title. Ma’am and Sir are titles and speaking to someone by using their title is one way we show respect.

Full disclosure! The follow-up conversation did not actually take place. The other mother and I became distracted during practice and I never had the opportunity to return to her statement. I probably would not have been as confrontational, but I have rehearsed this conversation in my head many times. Maybe another opportunity will arise…😊

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© 2021 Lisa Lou by Kaio

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